It's Official

Ok, ok. Hold On. I know you are all hooting and hollering and thanking God, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. When I say "It's Official" that doesn't mean anything more than we have ourselves a court date y'all. On March 15th, we have a hearing with Judge K in Kampala, Uganda.

The string of events after that will unroll in whatever pattern it chooses so there is not much to say about that. If all goes as planned, we will have a hearing, we will get a guardianship ruling, we will get a visa and we will bring her home. Somewhere during the process of all that we will also be taking Maggie for a physical, blood work, visa photos, etc. It can be exciting considering we plan on taking her out for ice cream after her doctors appointment like every good parent does!! But in all seriousness, as common place as those things are to us, they can be terrifying for a child who has never seen anything outside the 5 mile radius of her town. Even our son, a born adventurer, had trouble taking it all in. The exhilaration of being in the city was quickly forgotten when he squirmed around under the heavy grasp of his soon to be father as the doctor pinched his tiny finger between his own trying to get in a quick prick of a needle. I know, just a needle prick. But when you've got a kid who is doing his best to trust that you are going to take good care of him when you snatch him from everything he's ever known, and you betray his trust with something scary and slightly painful with no common language to explain the situation?! It's kinda hard. It makes your heart hurt.

As much excitement as there is that we will soon have a daughter, there is an equal amount of emotional pain coming our way. I pray every day that God is preparing Maggie's heart for this transition and I trust that he is. That doesn't mean she will be absent of pain, it just means she will have the courage and wisdom to come out of it a stronger person. If you know me at all, you know that I am one to think positively, but not one to sugar coat anything. Adoption is amazing, beautiful, redemptive, all those things you expect it to be. BUT, for Maggie, and many other older adopted children, there is a grieving process. Her situation may be dire, but it is everything she has ever known and loved. She has 7 years of life in the country of her birth. Her heart beats to the rhythm of those drums and her bare feet dance on that fertile soil. She is, and will always be, Ugandan. "America" is not exactly everything she may dream it will be. "New Parents" aren't necessarily better than old ones. And in the midst of the awe-inspiring way children adapt to new environments and the unbelievable way they flourish with a safe and nurturing family, that doesn't mean she won't cry out for the one that is most familiar to her. I've found through Perez, that comfort is often just to sit on your bed together and cry. When they hurt, I hurt. When they weep, I weep.

Not being prone to cheesiness or emotional mushiness and rarely quoting "overly-quoted" passages of scripture...at the opportune moment...as music swells in the background...I'm going to anyway (see this as the overflow of a pregnant mom who can't get her emotions in order...you have a tiny place of empathy in your heart for that right?)

"There is a season for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die

a time to plant and a time to uproot

a time to kill and a time to heal

a time to tear down and a time to build

a time to weep and a time to dance

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them

a time to embrace and a time to refrain

a time to search and a time to give up

a time to keep and a time to throw away

a time to tear and a time to mend

a time to be silent and a time to speak

a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for PEACE."

From Uganda (flying out March 11th!) with love,

Ali

Family History

The chronicles of Maggie's family history lay stacked under volumes of other books with titles like "Single Mom's Survival Guide" and "The Psychology of Pain". We haven't even blown the dust off the cover, yet, we are already enrapt with the story line. I have many, many questions that I hope, at some point, will be answered. In Uganda, it is not necessarily common conversation or proper etiquette to bring up ones past family issues. Many things are often not talked about because they stir up pain, shame, guilt, and ignorance. They exist in survival mode. Anything that can help them carry on for one more day. Dwelling on your past doesn't really help your future.

We are a culture that survives on knowledge and preparedness. In this story, we have neither. What we do have is a major theme of compassion and redemption, which, from the Authors point of view, trumps both of the former attributes. Any knowledge we can glean from being a part of this story only enlightens our heart all the more. With that said, let me introduce you to two of Maggie's siblings. Denis Mukasa and Sylvia Nazziwa. Both of these children are sponsored through CHF's Child Sponsorship Program and I have had the honor of photographing them over the past 3 years. I don't know them well, but what I have seen in them is a very real attachment to their youngest sister. They are protective and nurturing, sticking close to each other whenever possible. And to be painfully honest with you, I have no idea how they really feel about Maggie leaving. Yes, they gave whole hearted consent to her adoption, but I can't help but wonder how this will all play out.

Pray that God will go ahead of us and make a way. Pray that God will bring comfort to hurting souls and trust that God is holding all things together in strong, warm hands.

To Uganda with a love big enough for every family member,

Ali

"Maggie in My Heart"

That was what Perez said when he made this Valentine cookie last week. Yes. On Valentine's evening I was at the kitchen table with a child- sized apron on and my hair in a messy ponytail frosting cookies with my 9 year old son while my husband went to the gym to exercise. We are SOOOO romantic it makes you all sick! So, as "mom-ish" as it is to spend Valentine's Day making girly looking sweets with my son, we both couldn't get enough of it. Without any prompting, Perez picked the biggest cookie and decorated it for Maggie, holding it up to his chest saying, "Mom, take a picture. It's like Maggie in My Heart." And yes, another cheesy "mom" moment when you, without bias of course, think your son is the greatest kid ever to walk the planet.

Without fail, people ask if Perez is excited about having a sister. If you know Perez at all, it doesn't take much of anything to get him excited...much less the thought of having someone his age to play with to get away from the boring-ness of his parents. Needless to say, he floats somewhere between antsy energy and complete off the wall "you better calm down right now" or , better yet, "you better go pogo stick around the block again so I don't send you straight to bed at 4:30 in the afternoon" type of excitement.

From about 5 months of living here, Perez was asking about a sibling. He came from a boarding school of 450 kids where he slept in a dorm with about 60 of them. He was never alone and never without partners in crime. And we never intended him to be an only child. Perez came up with the family plan for us from the get go. We had him. We were going to adopt another boy...aged 5...who was brown. Then, we were going to have a baby...a girl...who would be pink. Straight from the kids mouth it was hilarious. When we started talking adoption again, I got an almost censored comment and a very strange look when Perez, a third grader mind you, told his classmates "my parents are trying really hard to get another kid."

Perez has always wanted a brother. He wants someone to push around and wrestle with and tease and do all the things brothers do. It took him a few days to warm up to the thought that we can't guarantee a brother, that maybe God would give us a sister. Once we told him that he was going to be needed to protect his perfectly innocent little sister he jumped at the opportunity. If you know anything else about Perez, you know he is fiercely loyal.

So onward we go, maybe with a tinge of nostalgia. The three of us knowing that things will never be the same, but longing so much for the one who will make it different.

From Uganda with Maggie in My Heart (and a heck of a lot of Perez in there, too),

Ali

The Pages We Skimmed

In the last post I skipped over a few pages to get to the good part. Today, it's time for the whole story. Here's the details of the road ahead of us for the next two months. We are securing a court date, which we hope to land in the first week of March. Let you know when we find out. Once we get a court date, we will travel a couple days ahead of time to arrive the day before the court date. We go to court with our lawyer, Maggie and anyone else he deems an integral part of persuading the judge. We sit before the judge as he hears our case. An alloted 7 days later (at the minimum) we will receive our ruling. Being that the judge will undoubtedly grant us guardianship (no room for doubt here right?...positive thinking goes a long way...prayer goes even farther) we will then be given an appointment for our visa interview with the US Embassy consular. The consular will undoubtedly grant us a visa (I reiterate the sentiments of the previous parenthetical statement here) and we will be on our way back to San Diego in a quick two weeks with our amazing daughter!

Yes, yes, it could all go down this way. We pray it does. If reality kicks in, here are some of the hang-ups: our lawyer doesn't have all our paperwork correct, the judge doesn't grant us guardianship, the judges mother dies and he drops all cases for the next two weeks, the newly assigned judge just doesn't show up, the embassy denies our request for a visa, the embassy conducts their own investigation of Maggie which takes weeks because they are "busy" and the case is "complicated", the embassy takes a holiday, the embassy defaults and sends our case to Nairobi...do I need to go on? We are thoroughly aware that we are working with corrupt government in a 3rd world country and an American government that is cracking down on immigration. Yes, yes, we know. We also know that we believe in a God who is going ahead of us. We believe in a God that holds all things together. We believe in a God who has knit this family together and will bring all things to completion. And yes, we believe it will be in his timing. We pray that our watches are set to the same time zone.

[Appendix]

A few months ago I was looking through photos and came across a heartwarming find...six or seven photos of Maggie from 2008 to the present. Though blurry then, trying to see them through tears, I watched as my little girl grew up right before my eyes. I, unintentionally but somehow maybe prophetically, captured memories of her simply because she caught my eye. Only months ago I skimmed through these like they were nothing special, no amazing composition, no popping colors, no emotional lighting, no "stopping" factor whatsoever. Knowing what I know now, they are a treasured keepsake. This one is a favorite. You can almost hear her laughter. Maggie is the one in the red dress, the one with that adorable smile and glimmer in her eye. Yep, this one is a keeper for sure.

From San Diego to Uganda with a heart full of love (especially because yesterday was Valentine's Day),

Ali

Maggie's Chapter

This blog chronicles the exciting and often harrowing adventures of our family in Uganda. With this post comes the beginning of another amazingly beautiful chapter. A chapter with a devoted mom and dad and a stellar and, should I add, dashingly handsome older brother. But first, the introduction and the history of the little girl you will all soon fall in love with.

[Enter Maggie].

We met Maggie "officially" on our trip to Uganda last spring. We have seen her around the complex of Victor's school every year we have travelled. Come to find out, I have three years of photos of Maggie that I never realized would carry the meaning they do now. Maggie is 7...or so we think. As is the case with many children in Uganda, the age or birthdate doesn't seem to matter so much. Based on experience with Perez, the details of her past will slowly unfold into her future and along the way we will see the intricate workings of the master weaver. Until then, here is what we know.

Maggie is the youngest of a family of 6 children. She has three older sisters and two older brothers...well, I should say had two older brothers. One of her brothers, Julius, passed away 4 months ago. He died of aids at age 11. Such is the heartbreaking reality of Maggie's story. From what we understand to be true, Maggie is the only healthy person in her family. Her mother battles repeatedly with severe sickness, her siblings are destined for the same end and her father wants nothing to do with any of them. Her two oldest sisters are grown up and live with their husbands, her oldest brother lives 30 minutes away at a secondary school and Maggie stays with her mother and closest sister, Sylvia, in a small home in Mukono. Maggie and Sylvia carry the load of going to school, doing the day to day chores and caring for their mother. It is only a matter of time before Sylvia begins secondary school and Maggie is left at home alone to care for her mother. Needless to say, it is only a short matter of time after that that Maggie will need to care for her other siblings as they begin to get sick. It is a strikingly sad picture for a child. A future we believe no child was ever intended to have.

[Enter "The Sign" from God]

Maggie was on a list of potential new members of our family. A list 5 or 6 long of kids we are drawn to for one reason or another. We prayed for them as a group, prayed for them individually by name, held their pictures next to our pillows at night and wept for the sheer thought that picking one meant we were not picking all the rest. Things moved forward like molasses. Paperwork timing beat a world record, but this child thing was too much to handle. There was no halo of light shining over one child's head, no situation worse than another that would compel us to choose quickly. Until Julius died. That took the situation from future reality to current reality. From head to heart. We broke. God gave us our daughter and we are moving full steam ahead.

The chapters are being written and they are sure to be exciting.

As it stands now, we are totally finished with paperwork on both Uganda and U.S. sides and we are simply waiting for a court date. We hope that will be in March...and sometime (we pray less than a month...and yes we are also crossing our fingers) we will be bringing our little girl home. There are many pages between the part about the court date and the part about bringing that little girl home, but we are skimming that part for now to get to the happy ending...or even better...a happy beginning.

from Uganda (in mind and heart) with love,

Ali